Accept My Apology in Advance

From "Married to the Sea", a wonderful site filled with weirdness that appeals greatly to me.

WTF and Other Stuff

Well, I will get to what I was going to post about in a few paragraphs, so just hold on, okay?

 I have been feeling so depressed and absolutely listless about life and writing in particular.  I make myself do two or three productive things every day.  I have myself trained very well.  Sometimes one of the productive things is even writing.  That is writing on the WIP, a thing I am so very reluctant to do because I do not want to release it from the confines of its "slave home"--my mind.  (That is not a politically incorrect remark, by the by.  It is a  reference to something my husband screamed out in his sleep the third week we were married.  My life is surreal.)

So, today I was doing some "research" which is really being nosy about how some other "authors" that are highly touted are really doing.  And I was becoming a bit incensed to find my suspiciaons were justified (which I will get to.) so I decided to blog.  I have not written here in a long time and my stats show it.  Plus, Thursday I was mugged on Twitter and it was a very painful and drawn out thing to recover from.  Anyway...

I open up this blog, (Oh, Blog, how I love thee.) and I had 160 hits yesterday and forty views of Outside Plumbing.  I want so badly to know WHY.  Aside from the mugging, which may be related, as it brought 600+  spams to my Twitter inbox, I did nothing.  This happens all the time.  I pine in my room, playing solitaire, forcing myself to put the clothes in the dryer, wondering if I should take up crochet again and then there is one of these whammies. Well, to you, not much of a whammie, but to me quite a whammie. 

So I have gone from slightly anxious about the armed felon still on the loose in the neighborhood and the bringing home of the Mercury about which I have extremely mixed feelings, to being high as a kite and needing the opposite from the drug locker from what I originally planned.  I have myself trained very well.

Anyway.  There is this "happy" person who goes on and on about how happy (This Person) is and how (TP) wants to bring happiness to everyone and everyone should be happy because, just look, it is so easy for (TP) to be happy.  This Person is "an international best selling" author.  This Person has all this advice and runs all these societies to help the struggling author to reach the happy pinnacle of success (TP) has reached.  So I read the reviews.  Books selling at about the same ranking as mine.  (Currently not good, by the by) One star reviews galore. Weep-inducing.  I've had one or two.   Author page covered with blurbs and praises and the one star reviews saying what a waste of money the book was.  And here is the deal.  I could do this.  If I had the backing, which I know This Person has (financially).  I cannot relate how I know that This Person has backing cuz I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.  I just want to rant and rave and attack from a position of anonymity.  So to speak. (And the display of background wealth is pictorially obvious.)  I could have that amount of good reviews (which there are) and these nifty covers and these blurbs and be all over the web touting my wonderfulness because someone else was putting the clothes in the dryer for me.  And paying a cover designer and a PR agent.

But, I do not even know why I have to spout. Pitiful weak ego image I must have.  Percentage-wise, my ranking holds up to this person's, and my review percentages hold up in comparison, and I did it with no money, which was my cast in stone rule when I started this.  So I guess I am just here to pat myself on the back and the numbers from my stats yesterday make it not even hurt so bad when I reach my arthritic old arm back there to do the patting.  The self-patting.

Multi-layered Irony

First of all:  attribution.

This is a Getty Image which I snipped off the Cracked.com site, a site so well known for its above-normal standards I am certain the borrowing of it is totally okay.

This photo, although meant to be whimsical in its nature, is delightful and amusing in both appearance and context.  It is from an article dealing with the myths of society's view of women in the  Middle Ages on Cracked.com, a web site that pretty much deals in irony full-time.  The article about the Smurfs to which I wrote a history making aside, is by far one of today's finer pieces of contemporary literature. 

I love that her trophy is larger.  I love her gloating grin.  I love his wry look of acceptance.  This is a photo of a man that knows on which side his bread is buttered.

To dwell on the cultural, perhaps anthropological sub-text, please note that her trophy, besides being placed at the apex of a way more huge than necessary framework, is pointing upward, actually, let me say, boldly thrusting upward.  In bitter contrast we see that his tiny "loving cup" is a small and seemingly empty vessel, patiently and perhaps hopefully, waiting to be filled. And her trophy is held up and away from her body in an exhibitionist manner, a display of glory.  His tiny prize is held close to and in the center of his body.  Of course we none of us are going to grab this photo and run to our male partners and yell, "See!  I told you I was stronger, greater, better, etc."  But it is fun to see a common theme so quaintly and perfectly illustrated.  I would have to label it "food for thought".

And. of course, I am going to take this opportunity to mention that I wrote an acerbic, cute little treatise on this very subject which is enjoyable and illuminating.  Why not have a look at it?  I can assure you it will change your life.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0098R9HPK


Free to borrow with no due dates, but I am not sure if you have to be in Amazon Prime to do that.

Thanks for stopping by my blog! 

THE WINNER

Do I have to say I was wrong. . .again?  My Wordpress blog outstripped my Google blog by one hit yesterday, And it is only a few months old.

Everyone says that Wordpress is so wonderful, but I still have issues with them that arise from my having a blog with them some years back with a different email name.  I rarely am able to comment on anyone's Wordpress blog. And it comes up a different way almost every time I sign in.  I have to go to Wordpress and log in instead of using my URL.  Well, what does that mean?  Maybe everyone does.

But, yeow, the traffic is impressive.  Still, ever cynical me wonders what if all those hits were on one blog?

READING

First let me announce the production of an entirely new novel, way off the beaten path from the frivolous but fun stuff I write. The YA (young adult)  (lots of sex, but implied) market is so hot right now, especially if it is paranormal  so I have decided to whore out my abilities.

In this book the main character is a young girl about sixteen years old.  Since she "became a woman" at age thirteen she has noticed she has strange powers.  She can levitate small objects by thinking at them.  Every day she finds she can levitate bigger and bigger objects.  Her husband/boyfriend will never need Viagra.

Then she falls in love and her love interest is aware of her powers and she fears that is the only reason he is consorting with her, but he is nice and she likes him.  Then, with his prescient power, one of many, he realizes that their kingdom will be invaded by a group of human-like creatures with a name I haven't made up yet.  Then they begin to find others with  super, "paranormal" if you will, powers and they all band together to defeat the enemy and live happily ever after except for the things that will happen in book two and book three.

Just kidding here.  That is the plot of 84% of all "YA" novels and I sure don't need to write another one.

Secondly, I am not a very popular writer.  According to recent graphs posted on Amazon, I am 672,000 in rank in one category and 34,000 in another.  I get some nice reviews, more nice than bad, but I get some bad ones too. I have actually made money on this project.  Actually it is always a surprise when money is posted to my account because I seem to be completely unable to understand the charts and reports offered for my perusal. And I read the reviews, and I am getting better about not crying over them if they are cruel.  BUT.  I read one that very kindly gave me a two star review.  The things she said, I think she should have given me a minus five, but that's just me.  The review was interesting but I got the distinct impression she was having trouble following the story.  One girl, two guys.  What is complicated about that?  Anyway, it is kind of long, but  most every one, even the haters, have to struggle through to the end to see who gets shot first.  Which I consider sort of a compliment.  BUT one thing she said puzzles me endlessly.  She said, "At one point it seemed like the narrator was telling the story." As opposed to what?  Waiting in the car?

I know  there is a big deal about "showing" rather than telling.  "Showing" is big with MFAs.  Many popular authors say "Hogwash.  I am here to tell a story." I tell.  But you see every thing that is going on so I guess my telling shows stuff.  My work is very visual. My brother said about one, "It is a chick flick."  I also classify that one as positive.

Well there was a third thing, but my anxiety ridden mind has lost that thread.  You were getting sleepy anyway.  Maybe I will catch up with you later.

Oh, no.  Wait up a sec.  I remembered it.  I received  a comment on Outside Plumbing.  He very kindly offered hints on how to get your outdoor faucets ready for the frosts of winter.  I thought that was adorable.  I am also pretty sure he didn't read Outside Plumbing.

Huge HUGE thanks to all of you that have stopped by during 2012.  I am amazed and grateful.  Being inordinately cynical, I can't help but wish those blog hits were cash sales of the books, but I appreciate you stopping by.

Y'all come back, now.  Real soon.

Ilustration from http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/ComicBook/X-Men