Love Songs

There was a kind of a joke, maybe one of those semi-viral facebook things, comparing a song of Justin Bieber's with an older love song in two columns where he says "oohoohbabybaby" and the other song says "I'll be there for you to share with you through laughter and through tears."
And that "Til the End of Time" song keeps running through my head. Any of us of a certain age, that would probably include 99% of the people who read THIS blog, know a song like that would never fly today. And why not? And in the TV guide there was a blurb about a Debbie Reynolds movie that was a light-hearted comedy about divorce. And that was probably in the early seventies. Yeah, I could go look, but you don't really care, and I don't want to get up and walk through three rooms, and I would forget it by the time I got back here, so just take my word.

Maybe that is why those bodice rippers are so popular now. I write about contemporary people, and I would love to give them this big huge end of time love to share with each other. But the circumstances they are in, it kind of doesn't fit. And when I do it to them, there is always something that comes along that ends up being, "Yeah, you are the big love of my life, but this and that happened and we must just move on with our lives". I know when I got married three old boyfriends showed up at the door (at different times, of course, although it would have been interesting if they all pulled up together). "Why can't it be the way it was?" Yet, none offered a tantalizing alternative or brought a white stallion with them. And two of them and a third who didn't show up at the door, called my dad over the years to see how I was doing. My dad wept over one of them.

And my thought is, and I have tended to share this idea with my daughter, which is probably not a good thing, is that they were interchangeable. And maybe there would have been rough times, but I am betting, aside from one of them shooting me dead and leaving me for the birds to pick at, nothing could have worked out as badly as some of the shit I have had to deal with in the chosen marriage.So all I could ever say to my daughter was "Yeah, he is nice looking, and you will always have financial stability". So I guess I am not romantic. Or maybe I was and now I am jaded and/or calloused. Nevertheless, why did I choose to write in the genre I have chosen? The truth is, I can only read mine. The only romance I ever read and loved was Katherine by Anya Seton which was fucking awesome, and Historically based. (John of Gaunt, poor guy. Shuttlecock) and I love to read my own work, but most other romances are too unrealistic. Maybe I am trying to rewrite my life as alternative reality. I am currently reading "Reamde" which is as far away from anything in my life as I could get. I favor police and medical procedurals, but I am lazy about the research. What I do write--I did the research. And fuck that happily ever after shit.

Half a Beat

No matter what can be said about politics or the economy, I have to say 2011 was a year of learning for me.  I know we are always learning, but never have I been so aware of learning such major life changing truths, life-changing at least for me.  The most important thing to me, that has affected my life more than anything, is that you can never know another person.  Your perception of that person is what you think is knowledge of that person, but it has nothing to do with who that person is. And that is fine if you are comfortable with your perception and comfortable with your own take on who that person is. I think the reason it was such a big deal for me is that it involved a long term relationship I had that went by the wayside. I felt not that I didn't know who that person really was, but that she had no clue what so ever of where I was coming from or why I thought the things I thought or said. Forty years of fakery as far as I am concerned. Then, when I was pretty much through rebounding from that, the knowledge helped me get through a huge emotional upset in my immediate family.  So now, I will just take it all with a grain of salt and not let it affect the way I live my life.  Partly, that is easier because of the point I am at in my life.  I would be on the shrink couch every day had this happened when I was 22.

Then, we went to take holiday pics of the new baby and her brother and I sat there the whole time thinking, what does that guy do for a living, why would she marry him much less breed with him, he looks like he has a bad smell, that baby is funny looking, they should wait and take his picture when or if he gets cuter, why didn't the mom fix that girl's hair first, gee, that kid's voice is loud and high pitched, why would you put that same hideous sweater on all of your kids for a life long memory of a holiday, my grandson is so f-ing handsome, mom better hurry up and give him the facts of life talk cuz  they are gonna be all over him in a year or two, my granddaughter is so cute, even when she glowers, oh, my god they must hate my daughter, she is so pretty and her kids are the only cute ones here, and Cassie looks so cute in those jeans.  Is this perception or reality?  I no longer know.  Or perhaps I don't trust my judgment anymore having made such huge mistakes about people throughout my life.  I am doing some work on my third book and I wanted to get these two people together and I was having a heck of a time figuring it out.  But now I figured it out.  If you love someone, you just love them.  Even if it's your deluded  perception. That's why God invented that special kind of pain that goes with love.

I like the show Bones.  More than I like the books.  I suspend belief.  The relationship between Booth and Bones is so cute.  No, it is totally bizarre and unrealistic actually, but I love them. I am so glad they are together. And right the head of the lab would wear THAT dress to work in a path lab.  But it is one of my favorite shows.  I rent the dvds at the library. I play catch up on On-Demand.  I tried to watch a new show with a similar theme.  Forensic medicine is  huge lately. I don't recall the name but Dana Delaney is in it and I heard it was good.  Every single meaningful glance, "How will she respond to this?"  "How should I respond to that?" went on a beat too long. The characters could have been computer generated.  I hated it. And, who knows, maybe it is great.  Maybe it is my perception.  There was this actress.  She was the Charlie girl, and then they tried to make her an actress, (I won't say her name).  They even gave her her own series. One of those algorithms telling them where the money comes from I guess.  Every word out of her mouth was a half a beat off.  It drove me up the wall. I saw her in a little bit part on some police procedural drama, and she  had improved.  Or my perception had changed.

I got a great review that was just the kind of language I understand. "Crazy good read." Which is exactly what I write, y'know?  And then I am nosing around today and someone on Apple gave me  one star cuz it jumped all over the place.  Umm, no.  It is totally  linear,time-wise, age-wise, story wise.  And who cares,their loss,  they missed the nursing scene and that great blizzard and some other good stuff.  But I clicked to see what else they had reviewed and they had given five stars to the app for ordering pizza from Pizza Hut.  So it is always nice to have your pride and conceit taken down a peg or two and realize the company you are in, who you are sharing that bookshelf with.  At least I have to be glad it wasn't a three star pizza ordering app.

I think the only way you are going to get read is if your work gets to the people that perceive life in a way similar to yours. So far they are few and far between, but, God, how I love them. Cuz they get "me".  My ex-friend didn't. My husband doesn't. But someone did.  So now I don't have to die with my song still in me. Someone heard this little bird.