When you do this indie publishing thing, you(I) hear from so many people that are so opposed to it. I, personally, am all over the map about is this whoring? Is this frustration? Is this vanity? Is this a need to enlighten? Is this a waste of my time and other's time and space? When the gauge by which you judge yourself is so palpable and undeniable as actual dollars or actual printed words, it is so easy to let yourself be wracked by self doubt. I think this is normal. I don't think I am particularly more or less filled with self doubt than any other Joe Shmoe. And I already discussed being a Joe Shmoe and being accepting of that. And I totally feel that putting your words and thoughts out in the public eye indicates that there is a lot more going on than self doubt. And then you get a random review from a random stranger and you are jubilant. Not so much an ego thing, that they Like you, like Sally Field, but that the words they chose indicate they get what you are saying. This holds far more meaning for me than having someone say "Your style is so fun or amazing, or ridiculous, or convoluted, or strange, or stupid, or hideous."
But then you are kind of noticing a person, and identifying with their doubts and their struggles and you go so far as to compliment them and try to encourage them and buoy them up a bit and thank them for sharing with you, and then you read something, and it is like Holy Shit. This sucks. This makes no sense. I can't follow this. My sophomore English teacher gave me more props than this will ever get. This is fucking hopeless. What do you do? I know what I do, what I will do, what is the only comfortable path for me. I am going to fade out of the scenario. And I'm gonna wonder. Self doubt? Apparently I have none. Apparently there is just a certain blindness people have. Apparently people that love me want me to just stay in my cloud of self-delusionment for fear of hurting me (which never seemed to bother them before) or robbing me, in my final moments, of my last thread of hope.. . Or apparently I can write.
And, you know what? I will never have an answer for that.
Showing posts with label agent search. Show all posts
Showing posts with label agent search. Show all posts
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Sunday, July 03, 2011
What Are You Going To Do?
This has happened at least six times in the last few months.
I understand there is a certain type of mind that is kind of like a blender, that stuff just keeps spinning around and if you lift the cover a little, something just sort of flies out and sticks, to the wall, to the table, to your face, to your notebook, to your COMPUTER SCREEN. I kind of have that sort of mind. And I know I will read stuff and think, "Oh, I wrote a poem like that when I was 29", and it haunts me for awhile that maybe I read that poem by someone else when I was sixteen and it was just whirling around in there and just happened to fly out at a particular time.
But. When, TWO DAYS after I post a blog about something that happened that was totally serendipitous, and I introduce the article with a cut and paste definition, complete with all citations, of the history and the definition of the word, I come across a blog, using almost the identical words, only illustrating that a different set of their own personal circumstances seemed, in fact, serendipitous, I think the person should at least say, "I was scrolling blogs and came across this blog, by VIRGINIA LLORCA, and she was talking about serendipity and it made me think as follows. "
There is nothing that can be done about it. But when I realize I got the idea somewhere, I ALWAYS say I saw this in the paper or so and so was blogging about this. I think that keeps stuff polite and in the sunshine and it creeps me out that the Supreme Court has to rule on intellectual property. But, if a person doesn't feel that upright and good citizen, honorable writer, non Cassie Edwards -ish about the subject, well then let them lay in their beds at night thinking that I am pond scum and no one will ever know they lifted it from my sparkling works, or used my stunning example as a platform. That's okay with me. I lay in bed at night and think about what Maisie says to Barney when he is standing there in the kitchen in his blue plaid boxers kissing her and the toddlers are smearing cheerios all over the room.
And I didn't get that idea from some else's blog, but someone with a contract with a major publisher will probably have it on the shelf in six months.
And, a little motherly advice: don't all the people in the blogging world KNOW that the tagging process GROUPS blogs, and, sooner rather than later, people in the field you are planting, or hoeing, or trampling, or reaping, are gonna see the crop? Ah, well. In pioneer days, settling the ole West, rustlers figured out how to alter cattle brands. So, who is stupid?
I understand there is a certain type of mind that is kind of like a blender, that stuff just keeps spinning around and if you lift the cover a little, something just sort of flies out and sticks, to the wall, to the table, to your face, to your notebook, to your COMPUTER SCREEN. I kind of have that sort of mind. And I know I will read stuff and think, "Oh, I wrote a poem like that when I was 29", and it haunts me for awhile that maybe I read that poem by someone else when I was sixteen and it was just whirling around in there and just happened to fly out at a particular time.
But. When, TWO DAYS after I post a blog about something that happened that was totally serendipitous, and I introduce the article with a cut and paste definition, complete with all citations, of the history and the definition of the word, I come across a blog, using almost the identical words, only illustrating that a different set of their own personal circumstances seemed, in fact, serendipitous, I think the person should at least say, "I was scrolling blogs and came across this blog, by VIRGINIA LLORCA, and she was talking about serendipity and it made me think as follows. "
There is nothing that can be done about it. But when I realize I got the idea somewhere, I ALWAYS say I saw this in the paper or so and so was blogging about this. I think that keeps stuff polite and in the sunshine and it creeps me out that the Supreme Court has to rule on intellectual property. But, if a person doesn't feel that upright and good citizen, honorable writer, non Cassie Edwards -ish about the subject, well then let them lay in their beds at night thinking that I am pond scum and no one will ever know they lifted it from my sparkling works, or used my stunning example as a platform. That's okay with me. I lay in bed at night and think about what Maisie says to Barney when he is standing there in the kitchen in his blue plaid boxers kissing her and the toddlers are smearing cheerios all over the room.
And I didn't get that idea from some else's blog, but someone with a contract with a major publisher will probably have it on the shelf in six months.
And, a little motherly advice: don't all the people in the blogging world KNOW that the tagging process GROUPS blogs, and, sooner rather than later, people in the field you are planting, or hoeing, or trampling, or reaping, are gonna see the crop? Ah, well. In pioneer days, settling the ole West, rustlers figured out how to alter cattle brands. So, who is stupid?
Tuesday, June 07, 2011
A New Service
I mentioned before how I can bring the longest comment thread on almost any blog to a screeching halt. It is kind of the same dynamic as always having beautiful weather when I am in Florida. I told my folks that whenever their community is having a string of awful weather they should pay to fly me down there because I have never had anything but gorgeous days. I don't mean the two instances are at all similar. It just kinda seems like it is a force I unconsciously generate. And I am betting if I thought about it long enough, I could probably harness it and make my fortune. Too bad I am too fucking old to care.
In the meanwhile, if you are a blogmaster, and you are too polite to say, "Shut the f- up folks and go home," link to me and I will drop one of my little bon mots, and believe me they are little, and the conversation will come to an abrupt end. This one site, I do not know how I ended up on it, but it is a bunch of stodgy philosophers and I get more hits from it than any other, and I have done it twice this week and it is only Tuesday. They go back and forth with me a while then drop their pens and walk away. But I look at my stats and it seems they enjoy it cuz they keep coming back for more. Too bad that particular demographic isn't big on reading contemporary love stories. I'd a been translated into German months ago.
In the meanwhile, if you are a blogmaster, and you are too polite to say, "Shut the f- up folks and go home," link to me and I will drop one of my little bon mots, and believe me they are little, and the conversation will come to an abrupt end. This one site, I do not know how I ended up on it, but it is a bunch of stodgy philosophers and I get more hits from it than any other, and I have done it twice this week and it is only Tuesday. They go back and forth with me a while then drop their pens and walk away. But I look at my stats and it seems they enjoy it cuz they keep coming back for more. Too bad that particular demographic isn't big on reading contemporary love stories. I'd a been translated into German months ago.
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