Randomness

I don't suppose I should use this as a notebook, but I have put a few things in files in my mailbox and marked a few things as favorites and been unable to find them and I don't want to forget these.

A guy in a movie said the pain is better than the regret, or it's better to live with the pain than the  regret.  He was trying to tell someone to go for it.  Not to be afraid you will get hurt.   I went to a counselor once who told me that I was afraid to care because I would be opening myself up to hurt.   I guess it is a good thing I was afraid, otherwise I guess I would have a hundred times more hurt than I do.  If that was possible.  And I am pretty sure I went along with the not wanting to regret part.  I am pretty sure some of the things I have done that weren't in the rule book I did because I didn't want to regret not doing them.  And I don't regret doing them that's for sure.  Some of the brightest spots in my memory are in that file. 

Then, I will try to get this straight as it was Henry David Thoreau, for whom my dog is named. "Some people live lives of quiet desperation and they die with their song still inside of them."  Thank you God for these 26 letters.  They form my song. 

Not so sure about thank you God for my dog.  He is not exactly a delight.  I am not in the mood to sing about him after what he did in the front hall last night.

I Fell in Love--Just a Little

I had the purest feelings of rage and frustration earlier today due to butting heads with someone in my life.  It happens so often, I have learned to shrug it off, move on, and kind of forget about it.Water under that bridge, missed opportunities, being in a rut, etc.  Then I decided to wash a few glasses, the kind of instant gratification we all seek and need at times. I''ve been using the dishwasher a lot lately, but just now needed to be the dishwasher.

I have a huge yard and a large deck.  The deck is high, due to the split level nature of my home, large, and gated because of small children and pets needing to be confined to it at various times in our occupation.  The gate and the view are right outside my kitchen window.  A sparrow lit on the arch of the gate.  Nobody pays any attention to sparrows do they?  Except God.  My gate is painted a grey we call 'elephant'--kind of a beige-ish khaki color.  The sparrows brown and grey feathers complemented it perfectly and he was so close.  He didn't know I was looking at him and he cocked his head so cutely and his beak was so sculpted and of such a color as if from aged metal and he was so perfect and lovely and I felt a warmth in my heart that is so rare lately and he flitted off and I smiled.  It was just such a nice moment.

Now I will go back to being 'Ditty' and google "His eye is on the sparrow" and distill my life back to 26 letters and move on, and drinking some clear water from a sparkly glass will maybe seem even a speck more enjoyable.

Validation

An excerpt from a blog I comment on:


Virginia Llorca, on May 24, 2011 at 10:41 pm said:


My grandpa took me to Madison Street to buy shoes because my mom said I needed them. I said she wants me to get those and he said which ones do you want and I got the white Minnetonkas with the Indian beads.



Reply

Mary Lynne, on May 25, 2011 at 10:36 pm said:

I love that.




Now if I could get that response from an agent or a publisher. . .

Panic

I surf blogs, as I have mentioned before, and many of them have the niftiest templates.  I consider that stuff way too techy for me, but today I had to fiddle around.  There are so many that offer all these free templates.  I wonder why.  If you like it you are not going to go back and pay for another are you? 

So I found one that seem just creepy and personal enough for me, liking to make statements as I do, but not wanting to be accused of trying to make a statement.  Caged, getting free, kind of gothic, kind of worn around the edges.  Anyway, it showed up all cattywhompus and I couldn't figure out how to adjust it, and then I tried to get rid of it, and was able to, but no, it was still there.  I totally feared that I would have to start over and develop a whole new site, and was worried if I could transfer my archive and it dawned on me how important these words, or this expressing, is to me. 

Finally, or at least at this moment, I think it is showing up pretty even.  I had a lot of hits today tho, and I am sure they think I have flipped.  No.  I am sure anyone that has visited here at least once already knows that. And that is probably why they keep coming back.

Anyway, I mowed the lawn yesterday, and it is rather a large lawn if you go back to the creek, which you are not supposed to because that area is supposed to be available for the proper native wetland plants to thrive and do their soaking up the water thing, but the neighbors on both sides mow to the creek, so I do not want to rock that boat, being neighbor to this family being burden enough,  and I love the endless yard kind of effect.  So do the deer and the coyotes, and the foxes. But what I am getting at is this nerve thing going on in my hand that feels like you forgot to use the pot holder when you took the cookie sheet out of the oven, but only in this very localized place between two fingers, and Fran gave me two Doctor Layton games for my birthday, so I have been on DS way too much lately, and my hand hurts like a son of a bitch, so I feel like currently God does not want me to write.  He also does not want me to pick anything up off the floor as He always makes it fall at least once and  then makes me do it again.  Aging is such pain.  Literally.

I need back story for my non-dystopian, post-apocalyptic novel.  Any suggestions?  I am on the verge here.  I promise!  It is bubbling up almost to the edge.  I know it.  And I feel that what I do will be the right thing for me to do.  That is what I should have been telling myself all along.  I don't have to be who people think I am anymore.  Maybe trying to cut back on those meds was not such a great idea.

So how do  y'all feel about the single space after the period rule change thing?  I don't really care one way or the other, but the two space thing is very deeply engrained.  Think for just a moment on this.  If I could get used to doing only one space after  the period, how much wear and tear would I be saving on that fucking nerve in my finger?

Fictionalizing Life

My father was a police officer in a medium-sized, well-known suburb of Chicago,  Illinois.  What the heck--it was Oak Park.  And for part of his long career he was what he used to call "plain-clothes"  which means he was a detective. 

I love to read police and crime and legal procedurals.  I do not ever even contemplate writing that type of story because I do not want to do anything research laden.  Never did.  Specially in school.  But, yet, in every story I have written so far, some element of law enforcement is present.  And then, my husband was in the Navy,and,for many years,our rather interesting social life centered around that universe. (Did you ever have someone that had a crush on you promise to drive his helicopter over your house at a specific time to say Hi to you?  And actually do it?  Kind of flattering  when you are 23. )  Well, that part of my life, of course colorfully enhanced, also appears in my work.  So, I guess it is a part of 'write what you know' or just that it is such a huge piece of my personal history.  (I LOVE my personal history)  But, never the less, I would never endeavor to do a novel with that sort of basic premise as so many are now doing.  There is even a series about the FDIC and when I inquired what they meant by FDIC they explained it was indeed the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation, also a part of the history of my marriage.  But there are too many experts out there waiting to pick apart your work and jump all over any errors you may make.  Even though I clearly state that I make stuff up. 

Still, it is too bad I have such a strong mind set against it cuz  I AM A GREAT DETECTIVE.

C,mon, guys.  You know what I'm talkin' about.

Survey

I posted a survey type question on Goodreads(dot)com addressing some questions I have for people who are now primarily doing their reading on Nook or Kindle type pads.  If you own a Nook or Kindle or some type of electronic reader, I would appreciate your going to that site and answering and giving your opinions. I do not own one, but know several people who do and am actually more interested in it as a publishing venue than a reading material source.  I am trying to find out as much as I can about it, so help me out if you can.  I share the information I gather on a variety of web sites, so don't say anything that is not for the general public.  The forum is "Got Nook??"  and I always use my real name.  Do this just for fun, okay? 

Publishing in Today's World.

What do I know?  I know more than a thousand times, someone, somewhere, and in some pretty darn disparate places, has chanced upon or been led to my blog.  I wish I knew if they read it, but the stats only show visitors, and it seems, mostly, they are reluctant to comment.  (Seriously, despite my threats, I will not come after you.)   But, I was thinking about electronic publishing versus the usual query route.  Which I am spending a lot of time doing lately.  Thinking about it and querying.  (C'mon, Dit, just do it.  What do you have to lose?  The people that you write about can't sue you if you have nothing for them to take.  Right?)  And, what I was thinking, and I feel they are thoughts worth considering,is,  if someone commits to downloading your work off Amazon or Borders, or Avon, or Carina, then chances are they will  follow through and read it and maybe comment, and maybe review and maybe spread word of mouth.  I mean, we already know even negative reviews rustle up a spike of interest.

And the querying thing, how they go on and on about how you have to have that hook in your query, a single sentence that is supposed to sell them on your work.  How are they ever going to now how charmingly facetious and whimsical are my darling characters?  How quaintly singular is my style?  How my very naughty creations manage to waltz around the most major moral inconsistencies.  And still be loved and forgiven. 

Michael Connelly is getting so much flak for going along with the price guideline stuff. (Industry standard?)  I wonder if he will fold.  I wonder if he, personally, has anything to say about it or any influence on the outcome.  The industry guideline has already been shown to be way too full of holes and ways to get around it or over it.  You read about Amanda Hocking and you cannot help but be swayed and tempted.  Sure, she signed a contract, but she already made her nut and she was probably happy to hand off just a little of the responsibility.  I don't care about the financial or legal ramifications, so I think I'm going to go back and reread that long, long, article on how to load your work on Kindle and think a little bit more about whether or not it is too complicated.  And whether my Word software can do doc. or only docx. The querying thing is just damn dispiriting.  Especially when you pick up a book that someone already got money for, and it is the same genre as your's and your's is cuter and deeper and naughtier.  Shucks.  I guess if you are not your own best fan, then you shouldn't even be  trying.   Frankly, cover art is my biggest concern.