I feel like a fool. I have always been good at rationalization. Twice, in the recent past, I have posted stuff in my feeble attempts at irony or jest and been taken seriously. In another case, a person misread a facebook quote of mine and went into a well-meaning and correct explanation of the thing I was trying to be sarcastic about.
I do not have a sincere voice. My real life voice is a joke. I went to see a doctor about five years after my last appointment. I said, "Hi, I'm Virginia." He said, "Oh, I remember you. The voice. . ."
My writing voice is intended to be facetious, but evidence points to the fact that I am a complete failure at that. Actually, I have heard from three readers that they got the joke in three cases. Not a good percentage.
So, how am I going to steer this conversation back to rationalization or idealism? Well,I just clicked on a book title in a blog. Actually, it was a "website". I think. I am not too sure of the difference, and, no, Jonathan, you don't need to explain it to me. The site was The Rumpus. It is pretty liberal but kind of fun for writers. It has infuriated me enough that I have cancelled my subscription to it for years. I have had wonderful discussions on it. I found out, much later unfortunately, that one of the people I was arguing with was an author, unknown to me, of some repute. ( I admit I travel in the wrong circles.) So apparently I read something on or about the Rumpus that caught my attention. I am not subscribed to it, but am apparently subscribed to comments. Really, that is all you need anyway, frankly. It is even a bit too much info.
I linked to this book title which sounded interesting and that led me to two hours of linking through various sites connected, in sometimes vague ways, to the book title or author. And I just stopped it by closing some of the many tabs I had thusly opened. (I am relishing the fact that I have always wanted to use that word and have never before had the opportunity. I hope it is a real word.) (Aren't my asides annoying?) And, for a reason God intended, but that has never worked too well on me, a light bulb just went off in my head.
I have gone on and on arguing in favor of certain principles. I am calling them that because, although they may be philosophies or dogmas or truths or precepts or commandments or ideas, I feel, at the base of their structure, they must be principles. (I flunked philosophy twice. I have a former classmate who is a Professor Emeritus in Philosophy at a major University. I am able to communicate with him.) (I'll stop it now.) And, just now, when the light bulb went off, I realized that some of the things I argue the most fervently for, that shall for the most part go unnamed, for which I have published material with tedious documentation, I do not practice, have not practiced, and have no intention of practicing. And I seriously do not think I am a hypocrite. I think I earnestly believe in those principles and, in my own concept of idealism, those principles would be followed to the letter by all of humanity -- which, of course, they are not and never will be. And, in my dotage, I will gladly own up to the fact that a lot of the stuff I have done would not have been any fun if I had not felt like I was defying some moral precept or principle. And that makes me a sinner and that makes me a Catholic. And this is not a confession. This is just a light bulb moment that I have really enjoyed. And that two hours of linking from a book title has given me a lot more insight to my self than probably the whole rest of my life -- a life that has had its share of ups and downs, mostly downs, but has been a great deal of fun and very interesting so far.
Yeah. My meds have been adjusted.
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