Mel Gibson was right in that movie where he was trying to convince Julia Roberts. I must watch it again as I do not recall what he felt he discovered and why no one would believe him. I actually do not recall the name of the movie. And then there was that phrase, "Just because you are paranoid does not mean you are not being followed."
I am paranoid. Someone said it about me and I took humbrage. But I am. I read some little phrase here or there and I will think, "Stolen". Like no one else read that same article or had that same thought. And then I think, "It is a plot. They are conspiring with each other to do it." Seriously. Like why would they bother? I am unimportant. Perhaps believing these things or suspecting these things validates my importance or my mistaken sense of importance to myself.
And I am doing that thing, analyzing and second guessing when I have that book laying there that I am really enjoying reading, so why don't I? And those bottles and bottles of helpful little pills. And people make me so nervous. Five in the room and I cannot stand the smells or the noise or the movement. And I just sit there, trying to cope with my feelings and my distress and I want to scream or sob or disappear, and a few years ago I would have screamed or wept or run out of the room, but now I try to cope. And I know I am not coping. I am pretending. My words are fake. My voice is false. Copy me. I laugh at you.
Why do some days I feel capable and interested and engaged and other days I see everything in horrid shades of green and I am scared and I know, I just know, it will never be all right. (?)