IT IS JUST ME

When weird things happen and people react, they often say, "Is it just me. . . or. . .?"  Now I know.  It's just me.  No one else could be this clueless this long.  My grand daughter twins live here.  Dan would rather not be here.  She wants to be with her friend Jess, but Jess currently doesn't have a home to share with Dan.  Her mom told her last month to go fend for herself, so she is staying with a "friend".  Even so, Dan stays there frequently.  But her "stuff" is here.

We have three cars.  The Ion was almost solely for the  twins use since Fran got married.  It needed new brakes.  For over a year Dan said Miguel would fix them and the parts were $20.  This never happened.  Then Dan moved back and a tree fell on the car.  She has a job.  Cas nannies for Fran and is very much needed for that, so it is a job also I guess.  Anyway, when we got the Ion storm damage fixed we had the brakes done and new tires.  The storm part was insured; the other over a grand. Mind you, this is now our BEST car since it is ding free and has so much new stuff.  I just prefer my Buick.  When I can drive.  If I can drive.  But I think I told that story.

Tonight they walked in with their friend Jess and asked if they could take the car to drive to New York for a concert.  (We live on the Northern edge of Illinois)  These are the same people that came home with two German Shepherds a while back and expected me to go for that.  Basically that is why Dan doesn't live here.  And Jess's mom made her get rid of the dog.  But I couldn't. At that time, rather than stay with the tyrant Claudia, Cas gave up her dog and moved back here.  Dan and her dog lasted a few more months.  

Tonight, they could not actually even ask me about this.  Cas said, 'we have to talk to you about something' and then the three of them gestured to each other to pick up the conversational ball and roll with it.  No one did so I said 'you are not taking the Ion to New York.  Try the bus. You ruined the brakes and tires, didn't pay, blah blah blah."  The strangest part of this is that they  were so dumbfounded I refused.    I told them the only reason they have a roof over  their head is because their sense of entitlement and lack of accountability are inherited from their mom and dad.   I ended up refusing to discuss it further.  STFU was basically the way I put it. Along the way I mentioned how they never bothered to say 'if we pay for the brakes and tires can we use the car?' and Jess, uppity little bitch, says "We were going to bring that up, but you said no right away."
During the course of  the entire conversation, mind you I said 'NO' before they even had the courage to ask, the subject of them putting the wear on the car and not paying for repair came up about four times.

This (and the dog issue) falls into the same category as Lisa (their mom) calling me 3 weeks after my mother died to ask me how much money my mom left.  I know she was champing at the bit trying to let a graceful amount of time lapse.  And grandpa Llorca asking me whose fault was it, me or Louie  when my baby died of RH problems (so long ago, and NO, I can't let it go) while I was still in the hospital. To say nothing of the various and sundry other misconceptions I get screamed at for.  Misconceptions--there is a word I should study.

 Is it the look on my face?  Is it the way I talk?  things I say?  I know my voice lacks impact, and maybe that is why I scream and curse so much, but this is just the way I am treated.  I do not fucking get it.  I feel like I am totally a person who does what she wants, and you can go piss up a rope if you don't like it.  Maybe I give in too much, but some of this shit, they have to know it's not going to fly.  Some guy  said (TO ME) he asks every girl to have sex with him cuz sooner or later one will say yes.  (I didn't)  I think it must be like that.  I am no namby-pamby.  When my husband was out of work, I managed to support him and three kids for  years. Is that something I should have refused to do?  Would things be different if I had refused?  Yeah.  I'd be married to that asshole, Charlie.

When Lisa was evicted from her hard won HUD house for abandonment, I said to the case worker, "Where did I go wrong?"  And she said every single mother she talks to says that. 

Some days it is just so fucking hard to remember what part of my life is good, at least that I can actually take credit for.  And I have to fucking TAKE credit, cuz for absofuckinglutely sure, NOBODY is going to give it to me. Buy one of my damn books would ya?  Be a pal.

                                                                    COVER GIRL!!!
                                                        MY NEXT BOOK:   THE MAZE