Ennui

(No, seriously.  What is with google?  The whole frigging thing just disappears?)

I do not understand how universities and colleges can create Marketing curricula.  It all seems entirely random to me.  I post just to be posting what seems kind of a run on of blather, and it receives WAAY more hits than the one's I deliberately plan and promote.  Why?

I am so sick of uploading or downloading pictures and  manuscripts and style guides, I just want to never do it again and think I never should have started this because it is like dope.  "Today I'll only take two of those and one of those.  Whoops!  They are all gone. Where did they go?  I wish I never started with them"  And looking at stats and comments is EXACTLY like counting how many xanax I have left.  At least to me.  Maybe you are healthy or something.

And checking to see if the late night or early morning flashes of literary brilliance have made it from the little orange Mickey Mouse notebook into the proper manuscript.  The last MS I uploaded was so full of errors.  Thank the powers that be that I am now a freaking expert on how to edit, search and replace and upload new versions in matters of minutes.  (Put it on your Kindle and make the notes there.)  And at least and at last, it is up, and actually sold already, but I haven't put it on Smashwords because for some ungodly reason the guide stored as individual little jpegs and it would take hours to find anything so I have to remember how I did that before so I could just keep it minimized on the desktop while I work. And I am absolutely thinking what a waste of these last few precious minutes I have on Earth and why am I not waxing floors or doing something someone might actually appreciate (what exactly would that be?) when I look and see there is a huge bump in sales.  Why?

I am absolutely at the place where I am calling the characters by the wrong name.  Or, honestly, forgetting what name I gave a character. I swore I would stop at four.  I couldn't imagine getting any more ideas to run with since I don't know where the ideas ever came from in the first place, although I am pretty sure it is because of the change in meds. But, lo and behold, or not, as you choose, there I am at two in the morning doing three or four thousand words on Jenny's first marriage. Why?

Did you ever google yourself?  Do you think that is a sick thing to do?  There are 63,000 entries under Virginia Llorca.  There is a twenty one year old girl in North Carolina named Virginia Llorca.  How the fuck could that happen?  I have stressed promoting that as my brand name cuz I thought it was so one of a kind-ish.  She's probably getting all my royalty checks.  Where else would they ALL be? 

I swear to God and the gods, if I see one mention of the word ennui in anyone's blog this week, they are gonna get it.