I have always wanted to be me. I think I have discussed this before. I had a friend in high school who wished fervently she was a male. She never had any of what may be called gender issues in actual fact and turned out to function just fine as a wife and a mom, and I think it was more of a comment on the way females were considered by society at that time. And, no, you don't need to know what that time was. But I have always been happy to be me. I have been depressed and embarrassed and angry at things I have done or had to deal with, but I am definitely the person who knows the truth about the saying, "If you could trade your bag of troubles for someone else's, you would always pick your own." And, lately, I have put myself out in the public eye a little more than I have ever done before, so I should expect more feedback, both negative and positive. But something really weird happened. I am moderated out of a certain discussion group automatically. I have participated in this discussion group for a long time, but always on a very limited basis, and it is true that my avatar may be considered in poor taste by some and that may be the reason. Although it was never the reason before. But, I am the first to tell you, I am failing in many respects due to health issues, and one of the first things I notice, and I am sure others noticed it long before it became apparent to me, is the deficiency in my short term memory. I know this is perfectly normal and I am not too worried about it and do the crosswords and stuff to keep the synapses firing, but still, I feel, even admitting I am kind of an ass, my basic intellect is still with me. Maybe not as easy to access. But I don't think I have become "stupid". I mean every one is stupid about something, right, especially if they are in love, but I haven't lost the ability to think and figure out stuff. I honestly think I am moderated out of this discussion group, damn, I wish I could say who it is, no, it's not Mises, and damn, I wish you really could give a shit, but I think the person who writes the column cannot deal with my remarks. I think they do not know how to deal with it, or counter it, or whatever, and whether or not it is relevant to the discussion, my remarks are never argumentative. They can always be classified as comments. Well, I just thought it was interesting, especially since it has come on the heels of my learning that twitter works.
And a very successful writer used this phrase in the very successful writer's blog recently, ". . . where you can get it at." This is supposed to be Midwestern, specifically, some believe, Chicagoan. My sister in law teases me about it cuz I say like: "are you going with?"and it creeps into the every day language, especially if you have not spent much time out of the Midwest.(Me.) But I thought, for someone who has sold many millions of words and therefore 26 million more letters of the alphabet that this was kind of glaring. I know everyone could use a good editor, and, briefly, I was one, and even editors miss errors. And I put stuff like "y'all" into my sentences frequently, mostly cuz it is so convenient a construction, and, for God's sake, my own, very bright and highly educated daughter says "sangwich", Jesus, but I thought this one really popped out. And it bugs me how some people are in the right place at the right time even when they may not be the person that should have been in that right place at that particular right time. So I am jealous. A certain work of my own literary aspirations has been downloaded 104 times in the last week, and I maybe just kind of want to work that into the conversation, and how very sorry I am that it was for a free offer and only about one percent of those people are willing to pay real cash money for said work. And I am totally thrilled to get the word out, by any means, and I am getting pretty damned whorish about that part of it, but, whatever. Professional jealousy comes with the territory. I just hope certain people maintain their humility in the glare of their fame. Oh, sure, that's what I mean. Really.
And Delaney got her ears pierced today and I cried more than she did. Is it that wrong of me to consider that her good nature is genetically anomalous?
Rejection sucks, even if if those doing the rejecting are twits. The cliché holds true, though: not a door closes that another doesn't open. Confused about something, though: are you saying there's a connection between some (minor) short-term memory slippage and getting moderated out of a discussion? Have you talked it over with the moderator. I'm socially paranoid and so am always assuming that people don't want me around, so I make sure to communicate. 99.7% of the time, everything's cool.
ReplyDeleteAt my most self-loathing, I have never wanted to be anyone but me.
No. I circuitously was trying to make the point that I am still intellectually sharp and the person could not deal with my remarks. Working up to that and perhaps falsely trying to appear humble, I said that about short term memory loss.(Which I am aware of) If you prefer you to those that are not you, you do not have self-loathing. I just talked to you on Betsy's about three minutes ago. About the moon?
ReplyDeleteSince I don't see a "receive follow-up comments by email" option, I forgot about this post until just now. Thanks for the clarification. I beg to differ though; I may prefer myself, but that doesn't always mean I like myself. That's probably one reason why I read so much: to avoid myself.
ReplyDeleteDon't remember about the moon. Short-term memory sucks.